Who is the Fijian government Minister who is now so powerful that with one phone call, she can get a TikTok user thrown into prison? …
The woman who is so untouchable that she can be both co-Chair of the government’s Anti-Porn Task Force and make a pornographic video…or take drugs in a Melbourne hotel room while on an official visit when anyone else would wind up behind bars?
Yet who is also so touchable that she lures grown men from the beds of their wives to pleasure her with brutal sex?..
Whose spell on the Prime Minister, Sitiveni Rabuka, is so powerful that while the rest of the country is outraged by her antics, she keeps getting promoted?
Coming soon, the incredible story of Lynda Tabuya, who is missing temporarily from Fiji to the relief of an entire nation but will be back and has the PM’s job in her sights.
Ever since she was born in Christchurch, New Zealand, on December 6, 1973, Lynda Tabuya has been making her mark. Through school and university, she was the girl most likely to succeed. And all along, she has been blessed with the physical assets that drive men wild and have powered her journey to the top.
Which men have succumbed to her charms? There is a townful of suspects. But now comes the full story of Lynda’s ascent to one of the nation’s most influential positions – Minister for Information. Or as some spoilsports who are jealous of her success call her, the “Minister for Bullsh*t, Bonking and Weed”.
Suddenly, she is everywhere. Oh except Donald Trump’s America, where her quest for riches has left many ordinary Americans out of pocket to the tune of more than $F100-million.
Otherwise she is a global player – reputedly an agent of influence for the Chinese Communist Party – and a genuine modern day Mata Hari who with a click of her manicured fingers, lures men into her web of influence and deceit.
For women, she is both a figure of scorn and fear for her habit of stealing other people’s husbands and an “influencer” who is dictating the fashion choices of other powerful women in Fiji, including our new corruption watchdog.
Behind the public image, what is Lynda really like? How has she been able to get to where she is? What are the secrets of her success? How on earth has she been able to con her way to such prominence?
Now the story of the woman whose prancing “bush and butt” video is on the mobile phones of every hot-blooded Fijian male.
“When the Deep Dark Bush Swallows You Whole” and all normal judgment is suspended. The story of the real Lynda Tabuya and the nation that has succumbed to her spell. Destined to be a “must read” best seller and a story no Fijian can afford to miss.
Reserve your copy now in the comments section below. Free, courtesy of the Chinese Embassy, for the first 10,000 copies. Free after that when you pass it on to the next person with your battered copy of yesterday’s Fiji Times.
NOTE:
It isn’t “fake news” – which is how “La Tabuya” will undoubtedly cast it – but it may be tongue in cheek. A spoof. Which is a lot better than where some tongues have ended up during her unrelenting rise to the top.
A scandalous misuse of power.
Love the sense of humour GD.
Geez….your rather toxic fixation with LT is overpowering.
You obviously have the swimming turtles on your laptop and phone to perve on now and again…and again…and again….and again.
Stop whatever you’re doing GD, it will make you blind !
Fixation? Who, moi? It is actually eye-opening. And the swimming turtle has been on the Grubsheet front page since day one 14 years ago. Maybe longer than on the Madam’s back.
Keep going, Graham, until she’s no more at the next elections. Those for her are pro-87, which sobosobo, the ordinary non-elite Taukeis have never benefited from. And just as you said, she jostled her way for a photo shoot with Netanyahu at the embassy opening. The only problem: he was too heavily guarded, or else he could have been added to the list of “townful of suspects”. Wish she jostles in the same way with Trump who will have a pair of handcuffs deep inside his inner blazer pocket.
Lastly, Graham, remain away from your land of birth as you will be escorted immediately upon arrival, not to Naboro, but to nearby Natabua. Then be transferred later.
Yes, I know Natabua well. From the outside. Which is the way I’d like to keep it. 😉
Nothing toxic about it. She is a Minister paid by tax payers. This is fair commentary, whether you agree or not.
It is only toxic for morally bereft individuals like you who probably believe that Lynda Tabuya is a good example for the nation’s young men and women. Totally asinine.
Excellent take GD – couldn’t stop laughing. FYI – in a recent garage session at NZ’s most hated Indian’s house, the sex pest (Sharma) claimed to have wagged his tongue and some there as well – he proudly boasted with whiskey in one hand about his conquest to the friends including my husband. Absolutely disgusting behaviour especially with his family in the kitchen – not a spoof.
The new FICAC boss is quite a copy cat of Linda. I had a giggle when I saw her with her baby pink Prada or Gucci handbag at the courthouse this week. She was flaunting it, almost pushing the bag towards the cameras so we could see what a good life she is living. And my, those eye glasses. THey’re almost as big as her face.
Informative.
Those Big glasses…
Miss Little Red Riding Hood to the Wolf in her grandma’s bed: Such Big Glasses you have. Wolf: All the better to see you my dear.
My my my…the Wolves are in the house all right..and grandma has been devoured.
Maybe your NOTE wasn’t too far off the mark but maybe tongue in cheeks would be more appropriate, as that is probably how she managed to kiss her way to the position she is now in!
Davo- she gave PM/PAP $250k during elections this is why PM is savouring her.