GD writes: We now know that Aiyaz Sayed-Khaiyum is going to jail at the end of March irrespective of the evidence against him because of the sweetheart deal between the Chief Justice and the Prime Minister and President that the CJ will convict him in exchange for the PM not lodging an appeal against Justice Dane Tuiqereqere‘s ruling that Sitiveni Rabuka acted unlawfully by dismissing the FICAC Commissioner, Barbara Malimali.
Yes, folks, what Grubsheet outlined in our last article is the sorry state of the criminal justice system in Fiji. The Chief Justice, Salesi Temo – having gained total control of the criminal justice system – is using his power to dispense with the “old order” altogether and ensure they never make a comeback, first by jailing the former prime minister, Frank Bainimarama, and then his 2IC, Khaiyum.
In the case of Bainimarama, Temo overturned a non-custodial sentence imposed on Bainimarama by the magistrate, Seini Puamau, and put him behind bars. And in the case of Khaiyum, he wasn’t taking the same chance. Temo seized the Khaiyum case for himself, heard it from last September to November, is keeping the former attorney general waiting almost five months before he delivers a verdict and will then send him to prison.
It doesn’t matter that a Supreme Court judge has told Grubsheet that in their opinion, there is not enough evidence to convict. Aiyaz Sayed-Khaiyum WILL be convicted. Because that’s the deal allegedly reached in the extraordinary conspiracy we have revealed between the trio at the apex of the state and the establishment. And it is how far the criminal justice system has fallen in Fiji under this corrupt triumvirate.
We will soon know, of course, whether all this is definitively true – whether the information leaking from within the criminal justice of a conspiracy to jail Khaiyum if Rabuka spares Temo the humiliation of a successful appeal against Tuiqereqere’s ruling that it is Temo, not Rabuka, who has the right, as head of the Judicial Services Commission, to hire and fire a FICAC Commissioner.
But Aiyaz Sayed-Khaiyum and his family now know that the most likely outcome when Salesi Temo sentences him and Mohammed Saneem on March 30 is handcuffs and a trip in a prison vehicle to Naboro or Korovou. There’ll be an appeal, of course, but Salesi Temo will have fulfilled his side of the bargain to ensure that Aiyaz Sayed-Khaiyum cannot contest the forthcoming election and make a comeback.
You’ll see none of this in the Fijian mainstream media, with its chorus of community approval – the latest from the Fiji Council of Social Services – of the Tuiqereqere ruling giving Salesi Temo the power to decide whether Barbara Malimali should be reinstated. That too will come at the end of March.
FACT: Two New Zealand Kings Counsel, Professor Philip Joseph – who provided formal advice a year ago – and Dr Andrew Butler – who was hired on the Prime Minister’s instructions this week and then “un-hired” when Rabuka changed his mind about an appeal – say Justice Tuiqereqere got his judgment wrong. It should have been appealed and that appeal was winnable. But then, of course, politics, personalities and prejudice got in the way of the facts and justice went out the window.
Here’s my own prediction: Aiyaz Sayed-Khaiyum will go to jail but “Bad Barbie” Malimali won’t’get her old job back. Why? Because it would mean that Fiji’s principal corruption watchdog is a woman who can’t even get a lawyer’s practicing certificate in Tuvalu because of her misconduct there. And because Malimali lied under oath in successive documents in Fiji that she had never received an adverse professional finding from anywhere.
It’s all there on Victor Lal’s Fijileaks right now for those of you who might have missed the previous reporting on the subject by Victor and Grubsheet. Even the corrupt Salesi Temo isn’t going to be able to justify reappointing Barbara Malimali to FICAC. The question for him, in fact, is why he even appointed her in the first place. If he didn’t know about the Tuvalu ruling, he clearly should have. He either willfully turned a blind eye to it or was ignorant. But either way, it was a massive fail that puts another nail in his coffin as Chief Justice, along with all the others.
If you think that Grubsheet is alone in thinking the whole thing stinks, I’m not. Because to follow is the view of CommonMan – our columnist in the vanua – who refers to the “depth of putrescence under the Rabuka-led administration”.
Yes, there is something rotten in the state of Fiji under Sitiveni Rabuka, according to our voice from the vanua, and as Grubsheet has reported, it extends to the President and the Chief Justice – the three main figures at the apex of the state.
Read on for a cautionary tale for the three of them. As the old saying goes, you can fool some of the people some of the time, but not all of the people all of the time.
If someone like CommonMan – a farmer and villager with his ear to the ground in the vanua and in intimate contact with the grassroots – has come to realise your governance is rotten, it is only a matter of time before the entire nation realises it.
You have been warned.
“The President, the Prime Minister, and the President of the ruling party in the land are all implicated in treason. No wonder there is such licentiousness, turpitude, dissoluteness and corruption in the land.“
Both mainstream and social media are abuzz with stories and varying perspectives on the High Court ruling regarding the legality of the removal of the former FICAC Commissioner, Barbara Malimali. Everyone seems to have waded into the conversation surrounding that ruling, from her lawyer, Tanya Waqanika, to the average citizen on the virtual streets of FaceBook.
And there are layers and webs of concealed corruption emanating outward from it, like the concentric rings of a peeled onion. So this case is like the tip of an iceberg that can potentially expose the depth of putrescence under the Rabuka-led administration.
It could be the main reason why Sitiveni Rabuka offered to resign when the Courts ruled against him.
In reading between the lines, it’s clear that there are factions within the People’s Alliance that are trying to leverage each other to influence both policy direction and influence or use the Prime Minister to achieve their own objectives. While the PM attempts to present a united front, a complex power struggle is happening behind the scenes.
But the unanimous support calling for the retention of Rabuka after he had offered to resign reveals his role as the essential stabiliser – the fulcrum that balances this juggling act, holding competing interests in check. Without him, the internal power vacuum would lead to the eventual fragmentation of the party.
However, the pandemonium can easily distract from the following facts:
Francis Puleiwai, the former FICAC acting commissioner, was removed as she was on the verge of prosecuting or investigating the following individuals:
The deputy prime ministers Biman Prasad and Manoa Kamikamica, Barbara Malimali herself, Lynda Tabuya, Siromi Turaga, Charan Jeath Singh, and Kalaveti Ravouvou.
Ms Malimali seems to have been appointed to stifle it.
In gathering and evaluating the chatter about the issue, it seems this faction prevailed upon the then unsuspecting President, the Tui Macuata, Ratu Wiliame Katonivere, to hastily convene her appointment to that end two months before he left office in 2024. Manoa Kamikamica is the likely head of this faction.
Which brings me to the second faction within the PAP. The CAMV or Conservative Alliance Matanitu Vanua faction is composed fundamentally of the Tui Cakau, the Vakalalabures (who Tanya referred to as the Natewa Vikings on social media) and other members like Mosese Bulitavu.
CAMV is one of the parties that grew out of the ashes of Rabuka’s SVT ( Soqosoqo ni Vakavulewa ni Taukei) after his loss in the general elections of 1999. CAMV had embedded itself within the SDL (Soqosoqo Duavata ni Lewenivanua) in a coalition after the elections of 2001 and also later as SODELPA (Social Democratic Liberal Party).
Some prominent members of CAMV who were appointed to Ministerial positions were Ratu Naiqama Lalabalavu as Minister for Lands and Mineral Resources and Ratu Rakuita Vakalalabure (the oldest of the three Vakalalabure brothers) as Deputy Speaker of the House. Ratu Rakuita is currently the Executive Chair of Fiji Pine.
There is every chance that the Chief Justice, Salesi Temo, is also a member of this clique as a matter of convenience. My observation over the years leads me to believe that Temo is a partisan figure whose career is defined by strategic alignment with the dominant political power.
For instance, after the abrogation of the Constitution in 2009, having accepted appointment and promotion to the position of Puisne Judge of the High Court, Salesi Temo publicly acted as an advocate for the military government, notably criticising New Zealand for refusing to cooperate with the regime’s extradition requests. In all appearances, CJ Temo will not bite the hand that feeds him. He will instead kowtow in its general direction.
After all, it was Rabuka who had nominated him to the Chief Justice position. It was also under the SVT administration that he had started his legal career in 1994 as a resident magistrate under Rabuka’s Affirmative Action policy. Generally, it takes 10 – 20 years of accumulated judicial experience before progression to chief magistrate (amongst other pre-requisites). It’s interesting to note that Salesi Temo achieved it in three.
This CAMV faction within SODELPA also orchestrated Rabuka’s return to politics and catapulted him into the Party Leader position in 2018. And another CBM plant – MP Mosese Bulitavu – was inserted into Fiji First to influence the defection of nine of its MPs to the Coalition.
The sudden removal of Barbara Malimali and appointment of Lavi Rokoika as Commissioner FICAC (who is married to Tevita, the youngest of the three Vakalalabure brothers) reveals how much clout this faction has. Ms Rokoika’s appointment came after Ms Malimali had initiated investigations into the alleged corruption of the Fiji Sports Council CEO, Gilbert Vakalalabure (the middle Vakalalabure siblings).
There’s a truckload of misdeeds waiting to be investigated at the Fiji Sports Council as all this goes on. Much of it has stalled because the Commissioner of FICAC and the FSC CEO are in-laws.
It was also through the Vakalalabures that Sitiveni Rabuka was able to acquire the support of the Tui Nadi to be President of PAP so as to court the votes of the West. The wife of the Tui Nadi is also a Vakalalabure. With the Tui Nadi came the Tui Nawaka, the Tui Sabeto, the Tui Vuda etc.
Having achieved his aim, Rabuka discarded the Tui Nadi after the elections, duly replacing him with a lackey Senator from his SVT days from Macuata, Joe Dimuri. What a slap in the face for the Westerners who had voted for him.
Ratu Jo Dimuri was complicit with the Tui Cakau in the coup of 2000, specifically the takeover of the Sukanaivalu military barracks in Labasa. After spending 11 days in prison, he was released and quickly exiled himself after the 2006 coup, only returning with the triumph of the patron saint of all coups in 2022.
The PAP leadership is beginning to sound like a who’s who of coup makers. The President, the PM, and the President of the ruling party in the land are all implicated in treason. No wonder there is such licentiousness, turpitude, dissoluteness and corruption in the land.
And now Justice Dane Tuiqereqere has found Barbara Malimali’s dismissal illegal.
Tuiqereqere’s verdict also calls into question the legality of Ms Rokoika’s appointment.
Here is a list of things that I find suspect – that the concerns regarding the validity of Malimali’s appointment came from within the Prime Minister’s office itself. And that it was the PM himself who had insisted on a Commission of Inquiry into the matter.
In my opinion, his strategy had two objectives: to mire the former President, Ratu Wiliame Katonivere, in controversy regarding the legality of his appointment of the head of FICAC so as to elicit his resignation and consequently remove Malimali in the process. And then usher in his real picks, the Tui Cakau and Lavi Rokoika. And use the Ashton-Lewis CoI as his default and justification (subsequently absolving him from blame) so as not to antagonise the two competing factions within his party.
It becomes clear from analyzing Rabuka’s leadership style of Coalition patronage and placation of mismatched and disparate political parties that his priority is the preservation of his own power.
But what does all this mean for the man on the ground? To the common man, it means the government has just wasted $4-million of taxpayers’ money and yet is back at square one with the case, while leaving corruption unaddressed, wantonly flouting the rule of law and operating with impunity.
This preoccupation with all kinds of legal shenanigans means that government attention and resources have been diverted, and it has not addressed grassroots needs, specifically those bread-and-butter issues that affect the day-to-day lives of ordinary people. So much so, that it was nonplussed that the Consumer Competition Commission had approved an electricity tariff increase even though the government had a majority stake in Electricity Fijii Limited’s shares and had its representatives on EFL’s Board.
This reveals two things: one, a distinct two-way communication gap between the government and its representatives in various statutory bodies. Two, a government that just doesn’t care.
Amid all this, there is a storm (in a teacup) brewing within the Great Council of Chiefs between members who seem to still have some nostalgic loyalty to the colonial royalty and the so-called proponents of decolonisation. There is a deep ideological rift between traditionalists and modernists. On one side are those who see the GCC’s legitimacy inherently embedded with the Crown because of its origins, and those who wish to completely unshackle it and reinvent this body as a standalone authority answerable only to itself.
Two prominent chiefs have cast their lots in with the modernists. Ratu Tevita Mara, the Tui Nayau/Tui Lau, has been more direct and concise, saying any connection to the crown ended at Independence. The more sophisticated Vunivalu of Rewa, Ro Naulu Mataitini, however, was more nuanced. But anyone who follows Ro Naulu’s posts on FaceBook knows he shares the same sentiments as the Tui Lau.
Most chiefs still have an affinity for the Crown, and in many chiefly houses around the country, one can still see pictures of the late Queen Elizabeth. It’s an interesting paradox of conflicting positions because the heads of the three confederacies, which both chiefs are “subservient” to, still have deep-seated reverence for the Crown. So too are the heads of many provinces who take a lot of pride in being the direct descendants of the signatories to the Deed of Cession.
Oh, to be a fly on the wall of the GCC Vale ni Bose when the BLV ( Bose Levu Vakaturaga) sits for its deliberative sovereignty talanoa about what course of action it will take.
We can expect that Sitiveni Rabuka – the person who initiated all this and abolished the Crown from the governance of Fiji in 1987 – is unlikely to feature in that discussion.
——————————
UPDATE MONDAY AM:
A strong statement by the opposition MP, Premila Kumar, that underlines why Barbara Malimali will never again be FICAC Commissioner. And also why Salesi Temo’s days as Chief Justice are numbered.
Why? Because there must be consensus across the political spectrum about the integrity of our institutions of state and that consensus has collapsed. And these individuals will not survive a change of government, conceivably just months away.
Fiji simply cannot have a mangy corruption watchdog who can’t practice in one of our smaller neighbours because of professional misconduct. Or a Chief Justice who appointed her in the first place and whose conduct across a broad front has become so blatantly corrupt.
Let’s see which of these mainstream media outlets reports this statement from a leading opposition MP. Because too many of them have become complicit in the wrongdoing by the Coalition government and the nation’s supposedly independent offices of state.
Just like the GCC, I think the word ‘vanua’ should be banned. Why? Because they are both irrelevant in today’s Fiji.
And what planet do you live on? You?
“Yes, it is me”: Your cowardly and unwarranted attack on CommonMan in response to my question has been spiked.
As if he has any responsibility for the conduct of the President.
As if he was writing a column here before the last election.
As if he has any responsibility for the coverage of events subsequent to the last election when he has been writing here for just the last few months.
I will not allow this kind of anonymous character assassination by you or anyone else. You appear to be attacking him merely because he is iTaukei. I wouldn’t allow it in reverse. Now bugger off.
Spot on GD.
CommonMan and his insights are inspired and gives hope for Fiji.
Wish enough people of his ilk were in the majority and in charge.
The country would not be in the current state of hubris and lawlessness.
Thank you again for your insights CommonMan. I wholeheartedly agree that Rabuka’s agenda is all about maintaining power. He is a man driven by greed and revenge (FF leaders), and he is inept. No wisdom or intelligence, just cunning.
As he’s attempted to wield his power to seek spoils and revenge, he’s made so many legal errors (being unable to read or comprehend the constitution, and selectively applying it) that the government is drowning in legal bills…all while the common folk struggle to put food on the table. It is sad indeed.
I really enjoy the way you write and it reminds me of advice when I was obtaining my PhD. You spend years at university broadening your vocabulary, which is fun and important. Then you are mentored to wind it back and communicate in simple language. It’s a real art form to communicate complex information in ways that those from a range of backgrounds can understand.
Keep up the fabulous work, and never feel pressured to sound like anyone other than yourself.
Malimali will get her job back and a payout for emotional harm. Nothing more sure in this land of palm trees and corruption.
I don’t agree. There would be a national outcry that the CJ, PM and H.E would not survive.
Remember, people are making up their minds who to vote for in a matter of months. Stand by for some major developments that are going to upend all the current expectations about the coming elections.
I kid you not. Everything is very much up in the air and in play.
1. A new Govt is definitely on the horizon. It will be led by People First definitely with a coalition with another party. However, no one will vote for People First Party if they align with corrupt FFP people such as Kai’s inner circle and his family of uncles and aunties. (Note though : I hope Kai gets fair Judgement on his current case and hope he is not sent to jail 30th March due to perceived Saleshni-Rumbooka deal. Facts of the case matters only).
2. The PAP, NFP and SODELPA won last elections due to strong opposition to FFP which lost its hard-core supporters due to arrogance, dictatorship attitude, and being heavily controlled by Kai’s own family and friends. Sending thousands of workers home was the end of FFP.
3. But now, PAP-SODELPA-NFP didn’t stand up to what they promised either. In fact, they evidently become worse than FFP. The PAP-SODELPA-NFP record presently stands as : (a) Massive economic mismanagenent with an escalation of public debt; (b) deteroriation of public goods and services such as CWM Hospitals not being provided up to basic standards (Radiology department closed this weekend, maternity department roof leaking, medicine out of stock, etc); (c) massive ministerial pay rise and the large size and cost of Government with everyone being made Ministers/Assistant Ministers; (d) erosion of confidence in the justice system; (e) a neverending costly numbers of scandals, questionable civil service and high commissioner appointments; (f) corruption such as Sports Minister’s wife traveling to NZ on taxpayer funds; and others.
4. So, PAP-NFP-SODELPA are in for big surprise to believe that they still command massive support. The loss of Rumbooka’s credibility (due to Malimali court case non appeal) means that he is no longer the “dominant man” to attract massive votes as compared to Bainimarama when he ran the elections. Their only support are those small percentage of racist bunch and those who believe all the propaganda that is thrown at them.
Yes, I agree Malimali won’t get her job back but will be rewarded with a hefty compensation. Tanya won’t be happy though. The risk of her getting her job would be to free Baiman and Kamikamica from current court proceedings. People have absolutely lost trust in Baiman as rather than fulfilling his election promises, he only got fixated in blaming the past Government for last 3 years. With this strategy he thought he will fool people by diverting attention towards all the bad achievements of the past Govt.
Baiman made a big U-turn on his election promises by raising national debt, raising VAT, according Fiji Water a tax exemption, removing social responsibility tax for elites, corrupt funding to Poly Tech, Girmit Institute, appointing his student Dr Nilesh Goundar as an adviser with high remuneration while still drawing full USP salary, appointment of Librarian to TELS Board, betraying USP staff by supporting Pal and others.
Baiman got a massive pay rise and didn’t donate a single cent to the poor. So, the potential for Malimali to drop Baiman’s case is high and this will be a unpopular decision amongst voters. Malimali definitely won her case and is entitled to her job back – but people are thinking on agenda she will take to FICAC office.
She didn’t “win her case and is entitled to get her job back”. If it had gone to appeal, we have the opinion of two NZ Kings Counsel that the Tuiqereqere ruling would have been reversed.
Tuiqereqere’s legal background is in accident compensation. Professor Philip Joseph KC, in particular, is New Zealand’s most eminent constitutional lawyer and Dr Andrew Butler KC, has fought and won several major constitutional cases.
So you are just plain wrong and so is almost everyone else about this.
Hi Graham, thank you for pointing that out. I have just read the legal opinion from the learned Professor and KC and understand it properly and the context in which the opinion was given. Hence, I agree with your views. PM should have carried on with the appeal and stood his ground.
Whilst Common Man suggests Treason, I regard the actions of the President and CJ as a coup from within.
Rabuka appointed both of these men and now is their puppet. They control Government through who they will agree to appoint or not appoint, and Rabuka cannot do anything about it. If he possessed a spine (which he doesn’t) he would have called the CJ’s alleged threat in relation to Aiyaz Sayed-Khaiyum and proceeded with appeal, which most commentators have said would be upheld.
Nor will the RFMF do anything about the current issues as they have abdicated their power under s.131(2) of the Constitution and are now seen as nothing more than compliant players. One might ask what exactly they do that benefits ordinary Fijians and Fiji?
As for the GCC, perhaps the previous PM was correct in dismantling it as there is little to show (other than very expensive meeting and overseas travel) since their re-emergence under Rabuka. If anything, they are contributing to the mess the Government and country are now in.
Bula Vinaka Fiji…we just need to stop this circus. Just wondering how many new scandals will be created in the next 4 years and how many millions will it cost?
Fascinating analysis Commonman. Thank you for educating us on what’s going on. We live in interesting times 😉
Wow…this now gave great insights into the three Vakalalabures and the Sports Council corruption and the leeway from that closely related big goggles FICAC lewa to close the files when the Sports Minister admitted on front page newspaper that wife’s airfares were paid by taxpayers despite PM only approving his travel…Didn’t expect this from Lavi especially after she stood firm on Biman and Kamikamica cases. Hope she reviews the Sports Council file again and makes amends.
Katonivere innocent? Perhaps.
Let us not forget that he has been in a symbiotic business partnership with Choron Singh forever and ever.
He would have a vested interest in Choron staying out of jail
That doesn’t necessarily make it criminal. People are entitled to the presumption of innocence until proven guilty in a court of law.
Except that in Fiji, we now have stark evidence that the judiciary has been compromised and a guilty finding can be part of personal horse-trading between corrupt individuals in the leadership.
Dear honorable PM, your silence speaks volumes! The Press Release on Malimali appeal withdrawal didn’t attribute any statements to you. Did Saleshni trap you? Looks more like it. Overall, you were consistently keeping up to your principles to appeal the case. See, if you appeal you have a opportunity to save yourself from future abuse of charges (especially when you retire/leave politics/lose election/go into opposition, etc).
If you don’t appeal now then no-one is going to save you in future. You can appeal for the benefit of doubt and you have resources at your disposal now. But if you have a bad heart to trade Kai’s jail time with your non-appeal, then it will be gross injustice in the eyes of the Almighty God. Kai should only be judged on facts of his case and your appeal should be of no relevance. It is now crystal clear that Saleshni and behind the scene actors are trying to save themselves from COI Report at any cost.
Take note that sending Kai to jail will now backfire for two reasons especially when Grubsheet has exposed the current situation now. Firstly, you will lose your “dominant man” status to attract votes. This is because people will view you as not steadfast and truthful anymore. Secondly, Kai will receive more sympathy votes that will go to People’s First party since people’s conscience (even that of your supporters) will be clear to not to believe you or your party. Think properly, honorable PM.
Opinions are like arseholes – everyone has one – arseholes. Our ministers are doing the real work. Eat your hearts out you jealousy bastards😅
𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐁𝐘 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍, 𝐄𝐍𝐕𝐈𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐂𝐋𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐍 𝐋𝐘𝐍𝐃𝐀 𝐓𝐀𝐁𝐔𝐘𝐀
I will be representing Fiji at an important global ocean meeting in Lisbon
From 10 February 2026, I will be travelling to Lisbon, Portugal, to represent Fiji at the first-ever formal meeting of the Ocean Pioneers Coalition. This will be my first international engagement since taking on the Environment and Climate Change portfolio.
The meeting is being hosted by the Oceano Azul Foundation, which also serves as the Coalition’s Secretariat. Importantly, all international travel costs are fully covered by the organizers, not by the Fiji taxpayer.
So, what is this meeting about in simple terms?
The Ocean Pioneers Coalition brings together decision makers like ministers and leading experts who are committed to protecting our oceans and using them responsibly. At this first working session, we will be setting priorities on some of the biggest ocean issues facing the world today, including:
• How countries will put into action the BBNJ Agreement, which protects marine life in international waters
• Preparing for the first global meeting (COP1) under this new ocean treaty
• Ongoing international discussions about deep sea mining and growing calls for a precautionary pause
• Making sure the ocean is properly recognized in climate change talks, including in the lead-up to UNFCCC COP31
As a large ocean state, Fiji has real, lived experience in caring for the sea, from marine spatial planning to ocean-climate diplomacy and sustainable fisheries. I will be sharing Fiji’s perspective and standing up for the interests of Small Island Developing States, whose livelihoods, food security and cultures are directly tied to the health of the ocean.
While I am away, Hon. Maciu Nalumisa will act as Minister for Information, Environment and Climate Change.
I am proud to ensure that Fiji’s voice and the Pacific family is present at the table as custodians of the blue continent, as global leaders work together to protect our ocean, not just for today, but for future generations.
#FijiGovernment #FijiNews #enagement #ForFiji
Thank you for alerting us to the imminent arrival of the distinguished Minister and what we should do to make her visit to Lisbon memorable.
1/ At your request, we have reserved Room 233 for her.
2/ A member of our staff from North Africa who is well equipped for dealing with ladies who like a “brutal workout” – as you put it – has volunteered his services to be at the Minister’s disposal.
3/ Unfortunately, we cannot accommodate your request for “weed” without exposing us to legal action for supplying illicit drugs. However, our concierge is famously discreet and can assist the Minister’s entourage to make contact with local drug suppliers.
4/ We note your request for additional security to deal with any disgruntled American creditors who might seek to exploit the Minister’s visit to gain restitution for their investments in the Minister’s collapsed business in the US. We have alerted the authorities about this threat but unfortunately our own security personnel cannot become involved under the circumstances.
As Lisbon’s most prestigious hotel, we assure you that we will do everything possible to try to ensure that the Minister has a pleasant stay and that her every need is met. Please note that we do not allow visitors in our rooms after 10.00pm for the security of other guests. This will obviously not apply to our own member of staff.
Thank you and we look forward to the distinguished Minister’s visit.
PS: What does “rogering” mean? It must be a Fijian word. Forgive us for not being familiar with the term.
Yours in the climate fight,
Hotel Avenida Palace,
R. 1º de Dezembro, 123, 1200-359 Lisboa, Portugal
Ah you have overlooked one small but important detail.
Jack Daniels instead of the usual fruit bowl !!
So her sh*t don’t stink?
Isa.. Hotel Lisbon,
Vinaka Vakalevu!
Many thanks for the arrangements and plse don’t forget to put a tripod and camera on it beside my bed.
Will see you soon.
PS- Hotel Avenida Palace,
R. 1º de Dezembro, 123, 1200-359 Lisboa, Portugal
One more important requirement for successful visit, Concierge, arrange limo to pick-up British army toy boy companion from Lisbon airport.